The best single parenting advice I know of is this: “It takes a village to raise a child.” Single mothers, or single dads, have extra demands and stress placed on them. It just takes more than two hands to raise a family-it takes a village.
The list is almost as endless, as it is relentless. The demands of work, house cleaning, laundry, meals, endless rides, school visits and functions, athletics, programs, doctors, dentists, friends, and on and on it goes.

Add the attempt single parents make at having a social life and you might just tip the balance over. But, we all need love and affection and friendship! So, what’s a single mother to do? The online dating network is quite extensive and it has numerous sites where you can learn a great deal and possibly even meet someone you like-alot!. I personally know several people who have met some wonderful people from the dating services. Crucial Characteristics of Lasting Love

So, how does this village work?

As any single parent will quickly agree, the stresses and strains of going it alone can be monumental. At times you can feel so incredibly alone. Yet there are many things that can be done to make you job more fruitful and enjoyable. Make use of the many resources available to help.

First, recognize that you are not alone! There are literally millions of people in similar situations and probably most of them feel as you do much of the time. It is also very important to keep the big picture in mind, so you do not get bogged down in the details of everyday.

Much can be said about our expectations and fears. It seems that both the things we hope for and fear happen to us. A great little book about this is called “”Stress Secrets.” It is a sort of boiled down look at the thoughts and hopes of a single parent and how he was successful in raising 4 teenagers alone.

The African proverb which says that “It takes a village to raise a child” is very true. It is foolish to try and do everything yourself and will quickly lead to burnout. There are many ways to share the burden and at the same time be a help to those who are helping you.

Take car-pooling, for instance. With some planning and communication it is usually possible to share ride-giving. Just be sure to give as well as receive. The same goes for overnight visits, trips, lessons, sports, childcare and so on.

School counselors, coaches, teachers, and business owners can also be a great help. The use of email has made keeping track of times, dates, appointments, grades, activities much easier and quick. Keep a steady line of communication open with the important people in the lives of your children.

Take time for yourself! Don’t forget that if you are not together, you can do very little to really help your loved ones. You need to be replenished and rejuvenated in order to continue down your strenuous path. Wouldn’t it be great to meet someone who shared your dreams and values? Love, Explained

Take the time and make the effort to connect with your own village, it will help you more than you can imagine.  This is the best single parenting advice around!

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There are many single parenting disadvantages. Many of these same negative aspects of parenting can exist with two parents, but single parenting has many unique complications.

What are some of these disadvantages?

• Exhaustion
• Loneliness
• Lack of money
• Feelings of guilt
• Confused children, especially if the non-custodial parent is full of conflict and works against the single parent
• Feelings of depression
• Being on the “outside” in most social settings
• Nobody to share the daily stress of life with
• Lack of intimacy and sex

What can you do if you are a single parent to make up for these disadvantages?

1. Realize that you cannot manage by yourself, at least most people have a hard time. Maybe one child is much easier than several, but most people have several. Find a way to get some help: trade labor, ask for help, get the children involved.
2. Get out of the house. Go to athletic events, go dancing, invite friends over, learn a new hobby, go to plays, visit people, go online to a dating service. There are millions of people just like you, funny how so few actually find a soul-mate, but the dating services have done a great job at connecting people. Secrets of Great Conversation
3. Good question! You can only work so much! On the other hand, a penny saved is a penny earned. It is much easier to not spend money than earn it!
4. The past is the past. Maybe you could have done things better, too late now though. The best way to deal with the feelings of guilt is to do things the right way now. That is the best you can do.
5. Talk to your children, set an example by your actions, be proactive. If possible, encourage your ex-spouse to be supportive, or at least not negative. This is not always so easy though. The best you can do is set an example and be patient because eventually the children realize what is up and what is down.
6. If your feelings of depression are not caused by a hormone imbalance or some such physical condition, the best defense is a good offense. You can find out about hormonal imbalances for free here.Occupy yourself with good, wholesome activities, learn a new hobby, get out and do things.
7. It is not fun to regularly be overlooked because you have no partner. This happens all the time. One way to overcome this is to find a friend who will be your companion. You don’t need to be lovers, just buddies. Or, you can fairly easily find romance on the dating sites. Many of them are actually rather good at this. Before you meet your match, get to know yourself
8. Lack of intimacy, sharing and sex? Well, I think the best is to do all of the above and take the initiative by taking action. Not much happens if you do nothing, if fact nothing happens! Now you can get a special offer for a 7 Day Free Trial with Chemistry.com
9. As you can see, and surely already know, there are many single parentingdisadvantages. Yet, there are also great opportunities ahead to make a new life and find the love of your life.

Is it possible for the single parent and internet dating to succeed? I would say yes, it is maybe the best way, in fact. It is so difficult to find time for the basic things of life when you are all alone and trying to raise a family. Internet dating can be a great tool to help.

Single parent dating might seem like an impossibility at times, in fact it is impossible at times! However, over time, with some diligent work, you can build a healthy relationship dating.
As a single parent, you must obviously be aware of the impact your dating can have on your children. This can vary dramatically, depending on your age, the children’s age and your unique circumstances.

It is important for you, however, to be free to meet people, have friends over, make friends, and enter into a loving relationship. At times, single parents can become almost trapped at home with all the pressing responsibilities
Single parent dating is not as complicated at it might seem. Here are some great tips.

Take care of yourself!

You are only allowed one opportunity to make a first impression, make sure it’s a good one! Women: What Men Want to See in Your Profile

It might seem odd to mention such a thing, but it is surprisingly easy to just slowly “let yourself go.” Gradually, you might put on weight, neglect your clothing, hair or hygiene. Get the exercise, take care of your wardrobe, fix your hair, keep yourself fit and in a positive channel.

Even if you had no intention of dating, this is still the best way to live. Take care of your house, your car, your bills, get your “house in order.” Your peace of mind will be more attractive than you might imagine.

Take steps to meet somebody

I personally know a man who had been divorced a few years and had 4 teenagers living with him. His evenings consisted of making dinner, cleaning up, helping with homework, doing a few odd chores, giving rides home from school sports, and sleep.

After a couple of years he just decided that he had to have some female companionship. His guitar just wasn’t cutting it anymore!

So, he called up a single mother he knew and was kind of to the point. He said: “Hi, I’m so and so, we briefly met about six months ago.” She remembered him, so he continued: “Every night I finish all my work and just sit by myself with only my music. I’d like to get out and do something with a woman, do you have any ideas?”

To his surprise, she became very talkative and had many ideas. She had been there, done that, so she understood. She took him out to listen to some music, introduced him to other people and became a good friend! You don’t need to go to bars and clubs, unless that’s what you like to do. There are more lonely single parents than you can imagine, most just wishing they had a companion, a friend, a partner or lover. Maybe even a marriage partner!

A great place to meet singles is dancing classes. Swing dance is great fun and very popular. It takes a little practice, but provides all kinds of opportunities to mingle with healthy, active people. Contra dance is another, as well as country line dance.
Outdoor activities such as hiking clubs or groups have many single parents involved. Fund-raising activities, athletic events, and community programs are all good places to meet other single parents.

Online dating for single parents

Single parent dating has become much easier with online dating. There are several very good, high quality sites that can connect you with the man or woman of your dreams. One of the fastest growing sites has a lot to say about How Much Does Chemistry Count?

A word of caution is necessary here: You might be surprised at all the good results you get! It is not uncommon to find profiles for many more potential partners than you expected. Now what do you do! Here is some good advice from experts: Women: What Men Want to See in Your Profile

Once you have entered a profile, hopefully with a photo, you can begin the process of filtering. Be realistic, often matches live across the country or even in a foreign country. Long distance relationships are almost doomed to failure, though there are exceptions, of course.

Exercise the usual caution involved with online dating, such as taking it slow and not being hasty to meet in person. And meet in person in a public place, such as a coffee shop. You need not be in a hurry.

Don’t make promises you cannot keep, it only leads to disappointment. Be honest with yourself and your matches.

Journal writing is a wonderful way to manage family stress. The act of putting your thoughts on paper requires that you make sense out of the anxiety or chaos inside. Journal writing activities can help you clarify your goals, put things into perspective, and help your organize your thinking.
Writing connects you to your core being. Even if other people are unable of unwilling to listen to you, your journal is always there, ready to listen to even the most desperate thoughts. You can express yourself, let off steam, reveal inner thoughts, clarify your thinking, develop plans, etc.

An added benefit is that no experience is required, and there are no demands: it is your personal space to speak your mind. Nobody is going to criticize you or judge you for what you write. It is your chance to speak out.

So, how can you begin writing a journal?
Journal writing can be as simple a keeping a diary in an old notebook. The important thing is to begin and keep at it. It is very important to keep you writing private, so you feel free to express yourself.
Probably everyone has kept a diary at one time or another. Most likely, a brother or sister found it and maybe even used it as leverage to their advantage in some kind of sibling deal-making.Make sure you find a way to maintain your privacy.

Actually a journal is more than a diary though, much more.

A more developed journal has a specific purpose. Depending on your needs, it might be a personal narrative of your experiences in pregnancy and childbirth. It could be a place to write your exercise goals and accomplishments, together with your thoughts. Often parents keep a journal about their family. A great deal can be learned by writing down lessons learned, memories you want to keep, goals you want to reach, and so on.

Imagine how many precious quotes are lost to the wind because nobody ever wrote them down. At the time, you might think you’ll remember what your 3 year old said that was so profound, but soon it just gets lost in the shuffle.

Online journals can take you places you never knew existed. You can receive online tutorials to guide you in your process of self-discovery, healing, or stress management. You will discover many wonderful resources to enlighten you, if you so desire. Share with friends or connect in communities. A good place to begin is with a TypePad Account.

Actually a journal is more than a diary though, much more.

That brings us to what might be the highest form of online journal, the blog. Blogging is such a powerful tool that it deserves it’s own post. In the meantime, here is the best blogging software I personally know of: Blogi360

This is an all-time favorite on Superbowl Sunday. It is easy to make and requires no cooking, plus you can change it around or just follow the recipe. It is better with some fresh ingredients though. This is a great way to reduce the stress of having to make something special for a bunch of maniac guys on Sunday!

A food editor from a Houston newspaper tried to track down the origin of this superbowl recipe, but it probably is just one of those grass-roots kind of things.

Seven Layer Dip

• 1 16 ounce can of refried beans, or the equivalent in homemade beans
• 3 large avocados
• 3 tablespoons lime or lemon juice
• 2 cups sour cream
• 1 1 ounce package of taco seasoning
• 1/4 cup (or more) of chopped green chili peppers, or diced, fresh jalapeno peppers
• 1 cup sliced, pitted black olives
• 1 cup chopped canned plum tomatoes or finely diced fresh cherry tomatoes
• 2 cups grated Cheddar or Monterrey Jack cheese
• 1/2 cup chopped scallions, white and green
• 1/4 cup coarsely chopped cilantro (coriander)

1. Spread the refried beans on the bottom of a glass serving dish (so you can see the layers), or a deep platter
2. Peel and pit the avocados, then, with a fork, in a mixing bowl, mash them with the lime or lemon juice into a slightly coarse paste. Spread the paste over the beans.
3. Mix the sour cream with the taco seasoning and spread it over the avocado.
4. Distribute the chiles over the sour cream, then the olives, then the tomatoes.
5. Make a top layer of cheese, then sprinkle with the scallions and cilantro.
6. Serve with corn chips for dipping. I’m from Vermont, so I like Green Mountain Gringo chips, but you probably can’t get them wherever you are!

Children are our greatest gift in life! Each one is unique in his or her own special way. As parents, we must be able to discover how our child learns in order to best help in school. Children’s learning styles are as unique to each and every little person, and our sensitivity toward this can make a huge difference. A great deal of stress can be avoiding in this way.

Unfortunately, it sometimes happens that the smiling, inquisitive little boy or girl fades into a mere shadow of their former self after a few years at school. Their curiosity and natural wonder of life slowly fades into a vague memory. Obviously there are many reasons this can happen, but one often overlooked reason is the learning style of the child.

Ways for parents to recognize how children learn

Not everyone learns in the same manner, as is well known. Many wonderful teachers and administrators try to compensate for this and are quite flexible in their approach.
Sadly, not all educators are so understanding and accommodating. It is most important the we, as parents, understand our own children and the way their brains work.

Many parents marvel at how one of their children can be so organized and punctual and another child be just the opposite. They came from the same parents and live in the same environment, so why such a drastic difference?
One very simple, yet very complex reason, is that everyone is either right or left brain dominant. There are many excellent explanations of the significance of this. Simply stated, a right brain dominant person tends to be intuitive, follows demonstrated instructions, prefers open-ended questions, is more spontaneous, and generally is more feeling oriented.

A left brain dominant person, on the other hand, tends to be more logical, organized, tidy, punctual, reponds to verbal instructions, likes questions with definite answers and generally is able to control feelings better.

So, in a school setting, which by nature has to be structured and efficient, a right brained child can suffer. Often they may act out or not be paying attention. These days they can be labeled “learning disabled” or prescribed some “medication”, such as adderal or ritalin. This can be so tragic! Maybe all they really needed was some understanding and flexibility on the part of the school.

It is our responsibility to find ways to help our children, they certainly don’t understand the reasons for their frustrations! Our stress, and the stress of our children will greatly be reduced as we learn to fine tune our approach to working with them.

A really great way to connect with younger children is through games. I cannot even imagine how many hours I have spent building things out of Lego bricks with my little friends! Between the jig-saw puzzles and Legos, we spent many an hour together, just hanging out and talking. Here is a great place to find Legos, they often have online discounts and sales. Save up to 50%. See what’s on sale!

A great secret on how to give unconditional love is obvious, but elusive: give so you can grow as a person.

Everyone knows you should give without expecting something in return, at least in theory. It is not always so easy to do though! What if your child has a disability and is unable to show even the most basic gratitude or appreciation? Eventually even the best of parents can get burned out. You don’t want to “work your fingers to the bone only to get boney fingers.”

A great deal of family stress can come from expecting something in return. Of course, people should be grateful and appreciative, and children need to be guided and taught to be respectful. But it can and does happen, especially in our mixed up society, that people just do not have the ability or willingness to return the love they are given. You could call it the “entitlement mentality.”

But, at the end of the day, it is our inner capacity to give love that needs to be replenished. If not, we soon run out and become demanding and our relationships suffer. You cannot store up love, in the same way that you cannot store up sleep. We need to tap into the source of goodness so we can continue to give unconditional love.

Unconditional love is not the same thing as being permissive and tolerant to the point of neglect. It means that, even in our setting of boundaries and disciplining we act out of love. Tough love can get pretty messy at times, but it is love nevertheless.

To quote Mother Teresa: “I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.”

Recently a friend of mine was faced with this dilemna: she found a large amount of money and drug paraphenalia in her son’s room. When she confronted him, he “freaked out” and attacked her physically trying to get the box of stuff from her. Since he was much bigger is was easy for him to push her against the wall  and run out the door with the stash.

What a nightmare! But this really happened and she later asked me what I thought. It turns out that this was not the first time such a thing had happened. In fact, he had been extremely abusive toward her, both physically and verbally. He hit her on a daily basis, kicked her and constantly screamed obscenities at her and anyone else within earshot.

She had been trying to get help for him through the school and a drug counseling program. He even had a probation officer from a previous arrest for domestic assault. Like most parents, she was hoping this would end and she was afraid to “turn him in” again because this would make him a repeat offender. But that is what she did. She promptly called the police after the latest incident and he was taken away in handcuffs.

Now, she wonders if this was the right thing to do because other people blame her and accuse her of “arresting” him. I told her that she did the right thing. He would certainly not have stopped abusing her and selling drugs. In fact, his behavior was getting worse on a daily basis. Obviously, he has a lot of underlying issues to deal with, but he was not responding to the help offered so far, not at all.

It is so sad to hear about such things, and so unnecessary! Imagine the scars and lifelong damage done by such a total disregard for the goodness and care of his mother. Everyone involved will have broken hearts and they will always be affected by this. The stress on the family is incredible. She is a single mother and has very little support from family. Fortunately, she has good friends who stand by her.

So, what would you have done in such a case?

Here is a delicious sounding recipe that would make almost anyone feel better! 

Heavenly Hot Chocolate Souffle´

Sugar for Sprinkling
4oz plain chocolate chopped (dark is best)
2oz unsalted butter
4 eggs, separated
2 tblspn orange or raspberry liqueur
1/4 tspn cream of tartar
2 tbsp sugar
icing sugar for dusting

Preheat oven to 475ºf. Generously butter the bottom and sides of a 1 &3/4 pt souffle´dish & refrifdgate 5 minutes then re-butter. Lightly sprinkle bottom & sides with sugar and shake out excess (I just use cooking spray & no sugar!) but butter it if you wanted the sugar sprinkle to stick.
In saucepan over low heat,melt the chocolate and butter, stirring frequently until smooth. Remove from heat, beat in egg yolks and liqueur. Set aside to cool, stirring occasionally.

With electric mixer, beat egg whites and cream of tartar until stiff peaks form. Sprinkle sugar over and continue beating 1 minute, until sugar is incorporated and whites are glossy.
Fold one quarter of the beaten whites into the cooled chocolate mixture to lighten, then fold in the remaining whites. Do not over work mixture; it is better to have a few streaks of white than deflate the mix. Pour into the prepared dish.

Place on baking sheet and bake 5 minutes. Reduce temp’ to 425º and bake 10-12 minutes longer. Top of souffle´should be set but should jiggle when moved, it should remain soft in the center.

I serve with double cream or good quality vanilla ice-cream.

A Delightfully Decluttered Day to You!
Kind Regards
Suzy Scullin
~the Decor Doc~
Creating Order and Beauty in your Life and Home

decordoc@declutterate.org
www.declutterate.org

What doEric Clapton, Ten Years After, music and stress have to do with each other? Well, that depends. For me, there are few things that just take the stress right out of my mind and body like some sweet blues music. Ironic, isn’t it? Most people think the blues make your feel bad, or worse than you already might. But for many people blues are a sort of therapy; it just moves in and does it’s magic.

Other people like soft piano music, or waterfalls or gentle rain to ease their weary mind. That works too, especially when trying to fall asleep. A friend of mine has a service where you can download cat purring to calm your nerves or help a baby sleep. My first born loved Canon in D by Pachelbel. Now she is a great classical pianist in her own right! When she couldn’t stop crying as an infant I would play that for her and she alwasy stopped crying immediately. It was like magic.

But for me, nothing beats the last 3 minutes of “Bluest Blue”, by Ten Years After. Or another favorite is “River of Tears”, by Eric Clapton. Especially the live version on the double cd called “One Car, One More Rider”, by Eric Clapton. The music is so much in a zone that it just transports you to a great place, even if only for a few minutes.

Music and also wonderful for creating a family atmosphere. It is amazing to watch how children react to various kinds of music. Music is so powerful, it crosses borders of generations and race and creed and just about anything else.

One of my favorite pictures is of  two guys playing music together. They are on opposite ends of a log in the woods. On one end is a hippy with beads, sandals and the works. He is playing an acoustic guitar. On the other end is a red-neck type with overalls and a banjo. The great thing is that they both have this big grin on their face, staring at each other while focused on the sound they are creating together. Maybe the picture is a bit different, I haven’t seen it for a while, maybe you know where to find it.

Playing music is also exremely good for reducing stress. Many, many times I have felt so much better after only 10 or 15 minutes of playing. Lately I’ve been playing with my son, who is just learning guitar. It is great to just watch him learn and be able to play together, no matter how simple or “bad” we sound. The joy of making music is so contagious as well. Now his little brother is getting interested as well! It is a great way to connect with teenagers.