Wow! The longer I live the more amazed I am at the power of humility and forgiveness.

If humility is the ground from which all virtue springs, forgiveness must be the sap of the plant! I recently watched a wonderful woman totally alienate herself from her prospective step-son. She had little experience with difficult children of divorce and just failed to handle things in a good, warm manner.

Plus, the step-son had a tremendous amount of anger, resentment and exaggerated ideas about her, his father, and his mother. The path of these two collided with lots of sparks.

Eventually, the prospective step-mom asked for forgiveness from the son, and this caused him to do the same. After a good, warm, heart-to-heart talk the two were on solid ground and were embracing as friends.

This makes all the difference in the family because the son is very influential with his siblings, who are always looking up to him as an example.

It may seem monumental to ask for forgiveness, but the doors it opens are many. Also, the burden of a heavy heart and conscience are lifted and life becomes a joy again!

Ahh… now wouldn’t it be great to have a magic formula to handle difficult people? One.. two.. three.. and you have successfully managed to stay calm, focused, loving and firm.

I say that it is quite possible to do this, even with very difficult people; though not totally consistantly. The problem is fatigue. When you deal with ornery people who have an axe to grind on your psyche, it gets wearisome and anybody will eventually get worn down.

But, it is a very worthwhile goal to strive for because, in the end, you will be happier and perhaps that crusty, foul mouthed ingrate you have to do with will see some hope in your response.

Even if the crusty one fails to change, at least you have changed in the direction of goodness. Plus, your stress level is much lower and you can be more or less at peace.

Here is the little magic formula:

Remain detached, breathe, breathe, breathe. Remain detached, do not become like the crusty one you are dealing with. Keep a higher purpose in mind and breathe. Do not say anything you would regret later on. Silence is better than arguing. Besides, no seeds ever got planted in a storm!

This question has puzzled me for many years and right now it puzzles me even more. Besides the general lack of personal responsibility shown by many in this generation, there is something much deeper at work.

In my own family I see it regularly. It is especially glaring when other adults outside of the family are involved. I’m sure there is no easy answer, and, like most things, there is more to the picture than meets the eye.

A typical scenario goes like this:

I typically work a 50 hour work week at my day job as an injection mold maker. As a consequence, I try to save some of this hard earned cash (and it is hard earned!) to make things nice at home, or pay for things like Outward Bound for one of my teenagers. In fact, I have done just that 3 times, with great results.

What then happens is that they all seem to think that I have a ton of available money, in fact, I probably have a secret stash somewhere that I use do indulge in. This is especially odd because I buy very little for myself.

Instead of being grateful, they demand more. Instead of helping out and contributing in any way whatsoever, they expect more. Even to the point of cursing and becoming indignant when asked to clean up after themselves in the kitchen.

In some warped way, they have learned that leaving a mess for me to clean up is their God given right. Now that I have a girlfriend who loves to cook they do the same to her.

Because of my spirituality I have always examined myself to see how I could do things better, how can I be a better parent, etc. This has contributed to the cycle as well because it makes me an easy, soft target.

So, since it seems not to matter if I go right, left, or straight, I am done being Mr. Nice Guy. I have no intention of being mean spirited or malicious, but enough BS is enough. Some things are just too simple and obvious.

Duh, you make a mess, you clean it up. Umm, you break a coffee maker, you replace it. You are grown and want to eat food, help out with the shopping, help with meals, help clean up. This is the stuff of kindergarten.

Why should parents be door mats? Why should parents sacrifice and struggle while their grown children despise them for working so hard? One of mine even reproaches me for being an employee. As if that is inferior to self-employment! Never mind that my employment provided well for him his entire life at home. Sheesh!

I know I am not alone in this sad state, many of the fathers I personally know have similar experiences. It is as if there is a worm in the apple that corrupts their perception.

I sure would like to get ahold of the great article by Wetterlund, the Swedish priest. It was called, “Your Child.” He had such insight into this  matter.