These days there are many religious groups that qualify as a cult, such as the Norwegian church based in Brunstad, Norway. This is also sometimes called Smith’s Friends, though they officially do not have such a name.

Then there are the obvious ones, such as the Moonies, Children of God and so on. One interesting thing I have personally noticed it that the members of these cults are actually some of the finest people you will meet. The members who have left often miss their old friends , despite the strange practices and doctrines. 

I recall an interview with a survivor of Jonestown, in Guyana, after the Kool-aid suicides. She missed the people, the fellowship and the sharing of work and play.

Hopefully there won’t be any attacks on me after this, as happened the last time I mentioned Smith’s Friends in this context!

Should parent's charge rent?

Now, this is a good question:  “Should parents charge rent to their own grown kids?”

After having experienced this myself both as a child and as a parent, I have some ideas.

Today at work I asked a 24 year old apprentice if he was still trying to buy a house.  He has a closing in a few days, but it was a comment he made in response to my question that struck me.

He told me how thankful he was because his father-in-law had only charged him $200 a month for rent for the last year or so. As a result, this 24 year old has managed to save over $20k over the course of the past 3 years.

Contrast this with another 24 year old I know who is bitter that his own father dared to charge him $300 a month for room and board for a few months. He was working full-time and making much more than the first 24 year old, yet had no savings at all.  In fact, he had squandered all his savings in one winter while snow-boarding and partying.

Some kids need more help than others, some are more inclined to take full use of the opportunities presented to them, and others seem to despise any good opportunity.

As a parent you want to help your children to succeed and because they are all so different and situations vary so much, there doesn’t seem to be any clear cut, standard answer. Each case is unique and demands unique wisdom.

It is also true that enabling lazy teens and twenty-somethings is wrong. It is not helping them in any way to allow them to laze around, gaming, sleeping late, partying, eating your food, using your car, spending your money and so on.

Cutting the strings can be very difficult and the thoughts of what-if, plus the guilt that can be laid on you make it even more complicated.

So, generally, in my opinion, yes, you should charge them rent or some equivalent thereof. Even a small amount, such as paying the electric bill or heating bill can give them a sense of responsibility and sharing the burden. They will most likely be more thankful as well.

Welcome home, son...

This Christmas holds a lot of promise for me.

My oldest son has been off searching for his own path for a number of years, nearly completely estranged from his rather large family.

Recently he contacted me and sent me the most interesting, long and highly detailed recollection of his childhood together with me, his Dad. The level of detail was amazing, with place names, people I had nearly forgotten and all kinds of references to events we shared.

As his Dad, I devoted myself exclusively to doing anything and everything for my family. Of course, like  a lot of fathers, I had to work long hours to make ends meet. To me, I was always there, to him, I was nearly always gone.

So, Christmas day he returns to his family. May we have the grace to accept him, however he presents himself. I am so excited and hopeful, yet I realize that nothing goes in a straight line. I love him and miss him!

Best Christmas present ever!!