Without trust there can be no real relationship, in a family or anywhere else for that matter. When a child is lied to, a parent deceived, a brother or sister stolen from, the very fabric of love is torn and damaged.

Some people seem to think that others exist for their own advancement or exploitation. Why else would a parent spend a college fund on vacations or a teenager steal money from his own poverty stricken mother?

The sad thing is that this type of behavior continues, year after year and into the next generation. The only way to stop this cycle of mistrust is to completely break free on a personal basis and begin a new generation. This is much easier said than done, and I have compared it to changing the course of a river.

To change patterns that are inherited a person literally needs to rewire his or her brain. Obviously, such a change takes a huge amount of courage and commitment. Yet, it can be done and people can grow into a new class of being.

The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science (Null)

I love this book!

Some might call it brainwashing, others indoctrination, still others see it as edification. Whatever you call it, repetition is central to gaining and retaining recruits and members.

Consider for a moment just how much indoctrination members of some cults, Smith’s Friends in particular, willingly subject themselves to. Most members attend several meetings a week, listen to messages on cassette tapes, cds, DVDs, during the day, spend many weekends in special event meetings, and use their summer vacation to attend a regional conference where there are at least 3 meetings a day.

These meetings can run from one hour to three or more hours, depending on the size of the congregation and esteem the main speaker carries. Just how long does it really take to learn Christian doctrine?

The result of so many meetings is that members cease to think independently. They certainly are good employees, students and such and often receive high praise for their work ethic, yet, critical, independent thinking just cannot co-exist with a never-ending drone of the same message over and over again.

No wonder university education is not encouraged! A liberal arts education basically serves no purpose for such people. Since literature is written by non-members it just cannot be trusted, so why should anyone read it? What good is art anyway, if the soul is the enemy of the spiritual life? The only music allowed is their own and a few sanctioned variants. Oddly much of their music is taken from other people and new words are added.

Can you really expect a musician at heart to be satisfied with playing simple melodies over and over again ad nauseum? I personally knew a member who was an outstanding musician and painter. He was reduced to painting Donald Duck “wet paint” signs at his local boat factory. There is no use for anything else artistic.

This repetition permeates every aspect of daily life. The noble desire to make ones words and deeds agree so there is growth and development becomes lost because there is actually very little real life. Conformity, group speak, and a self-centered preoccupation with one’s own thoughts replaces actually doing things that might be of benefit for others.

Even the seemingly selfless deeds done for others are constrained by the repetitious teachings. In fact, there are almost never any occasions when something is done for anyone outside of the group. When it is, there is a selfish motive, such as fund-raising to pay for very expensive building in Brunstad, Norway, the headquarters.

Small talk rarely happens because it is idle talk. Visits with relatives are kept to a minimum because they might influence the member in an ungodly manner. In the end, these people can be quite isolated, indoctrinated, self-serving and extremely self-righteous.

After all, if the leaders are the most spiritually developed men on earth, how can they be wrong? So many well-meaning and sincere people are swept up by the apparent community, fellowship, clean living, high standard of living and seemingly sound teaching. Only later do they realize they have lost their soul and missed out on most of what life has to offer for their own self and family.

These days there are many religious groups that qualify as a cult, such as the Norwegian church based in Brunstad, Norway. This is also sometimes called Smith’s Friends, though they officially do not have such a name.

Then there are the obvious ones, such as the Moonies, Children of God and so on. One interesting thing I have personally noticed it that the members of these cults are actually some of the finest people you will meet. The members who have left often miss their old friends , despite the strange practices and doctrines. 

I recall an interview with a survivor of Jonestown, in Guyana, after the Kool-aid suicides. She missed the people, the fellowship and the sharing of work and play.

Hopefully there won’t be any attacks on me after this, as happened the last time I mentioned Smith’s Friends in this context!

Should parent's charge rent?

Now, this is a good question:  “Should parents charge rent to their own grown kids?”

After having experienced this myself both as a child and as a parent, I have some ideas.

Today at work I asked a 24 year old apprentice if he was still trying to buy a house.  He has a closing in a few days, but it was a comment he made in response to my question that struck me.

He told me how thankful he was because his father-in-law had only charged him $200 a month for rent for the last year or so. As a result, this 24 year old has managed to save over $20k over the course of the past 3 years.

Contrast this with another 24 year old I know who is bitter that his own father dared to charge him $300 a month for room and board for a few months. He was working full-time and making much more than the first 24 year old, yet had no savings at all.  In fact, he had squandered all his savings in one winter while snow-boarding and partying.

Some kids need more help than others, some are more inclined to take full use of the opportunities presented to them, and others seem to despise any good opportunity.

As a parent you want to help your children to succeed and because they are all so different and situations vary so much, there doesn’t seem to be any clear cut, standard answer. Each case is unique and demands unique wisdom.

It is also true that enabling lazy teens and twenty-somethings is wrong. It is not helping them in any way to allow them to laze around, gaming, sleeping late, partying, eating your food, using your car, spending your money and so on.

Cutting the strings can be very difficult and the thoughts of what-if, plus the guilt that can be laid on you make it even more complicated.

So, generally, in my opinion, yes, you should charge them rent or some equivalent thereof. Even a small amount, such as paying the electric bill or heating bill can give them a sense of responsibility and sharing the burden. They will most likely be more thankful as well.

Apparently one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting different results. This seems to apply to learning how to deal with stress as well.

How to deal with stress using afterthought

This is where the concept of afterthought comes in. Instead of continuing to have the same approach and reaction to life’s difficulties and difficult people, why not do something novel, such as take time to think about what you said or did?

As obvious as this sounds, it is actually not so commonly practiced. Usually we are too headstrong or in too much of a hurry to listen to the still, small voice inside.

Read more about how to deal with stress.

This is one of the most difficult things for people to do: accept things for what and how they really are. Usually, we are clouded in our perception by any number of things. Yet, this is central in learning how to deal with stress.

Idealism, pessimism, romanticism, and all kinds of other isms make it hard to see things they way they really are. Yet, until we can accept things as they truly are, we are never really able to respond in the right way.

Read the full story about how to deal with stress through acceptance.

What seems to matter most, in the final analysis, is our relationships. You can’t take your stuff with you, our money becomes nothing, our accomplishments may live on in memories, but the people we have been able to love and become part of will last forever.

This helps me to keep things in some kind of perspective, especially when things get rather complicated or difficult. With 8 children, mostly grown now, at least one is in the midst of a crisis at almost any given time. This keeps me in the loop at least!

Take the time, make the extra effort to nurture at least some kind of relationship with those who are in your sphere of life and influence. You may have the family you were born into, or it might be the one you have chosen, but give them priority and do what you can to keep your friendship and companionship thriving.

I think I will skip the company Christmas party and go to the one that is for my musical friends instead!!

Randy Hough writes about family stress at www.stress-familyhealth.net

On this earth, one thing that is heavenly is being a parent. Having a kid is the most amazing reward that God has given to the human beings. The sentiment of living through your kids is one sentiment that will prove the importance of your life and your birth as well. The moment when one holds its newly born infant in hands, that very moment is very memorable throughout the life and all will certainly want to treasure that moment throughout the life. Being a parent gives huge joy no doubt but along with that it is a huge responsibility. The day you become a parent, you yourself will feel the duty of being an ideal parent and attain all the needs of your child so as to make him a victorious person and a responsible citizen. Though as a parent a person has enormous amount of responsibilities varying from fulfilling the basic needs to providing him the bests of education. The essential most responsibility of being a parent is instilling the right virtues in a child. Children being the future of the world and the blossoming buds, if nurtured with right values and virtues will grow and progress along with benefiting the country. In an interview a renowned and legendary Macomb Plumbers (Need one? click here!) admitted that all the name and fame that he is enjoying today is the outcome of the education and values given to him by his family. He owes all his triumph to his parents. Also, the renowned Valencia Electricians says that they still remember the teachings and principal values taught to them by their parents in childhood as well as in young age. According to them the major part of education that they got in childhood was the one learned from their parents apart from academic and other electronic lessons. Today also they prioritize the principal values taught to them by their parents to take any tread or decision in life to cover another milestone. Even the famous Ardmore Roofers says that their parents and their teachings played a very crucial role in taking them to the position and status that they are on today. They too admit that parenting plays an important role in the lives of all especially the children.

To most families, their home is an integral part of their lives.  Not only just for living in it, but also, family life goes on there, great times, and leisure time.

Well, when you do find it is time to start some work on your house, such as painting, this can be a stressful time and a disruptive time in their lives.

With that being the case, I would now like to you give you some invaluable advice on how to choose the right contractor.  This advice comes from years working with homeowners and also running a San Diego painting company myself.

At first, choosing the right painting company doesn’t seem like a big deal.  But if you consider the fact that this project will cost thousands of dollars, cause an interruption in the normal day to day life in the home, and of course can result in a beautiful job you can be proud of to one that you are embarrassed to show.This is a very big decision.

So here are some tips from my experience as a painter San Diego.

First off you are going to want to get quotes from several contractors.You aren’t just trying for the best price.You are doing this so that you get to know the people you will be hiring to do the work.Well of course, if you do get a good price that’s good, but don’t make that be your main goal.Remember, you want a great job to be done.

Second, find out what type of warranty or guarantees they will give you on the work they do.See if the company makes a strong guarantee about your satisifcation.  This shows how confident they are in their work.

Third, you want to know how quickly they can start.Also, you want to start to get an idea on how fast they think they can get it done.  When you are going to cause a disruption like painting your house.  You will want to know
how fast they feel they can get things back in order.

Finally, make sure to get some testimonials from previous customers.Contact them as soon as possible to see how they felt about the work of the company.  See how well the work was done, if it was done on time, and is it a good company to work with.

Do these steps and you can ensure yourself with as little stress as possible during these very stressful times.  Take it from my years of painting San Diego, doing these few steps will help you greatly.

Water damage happens a lot of different ways.  Ways such as toilet overflow, sink overflow, dishwasher leak, washing machine overflow, or from a busted pipe.  You never expect it to happen, but when it does, you have to take some immediate steps to prevent further damage.Eventually you do want to give your water damage restoration company a call, but before they arrive, do these steps.  This is coming from years of experience as a water damage San Diego company.

First, you want to prevent the possiblity of any electrocution.You need to turn off the power in the flooded areas.  The water damage service company should be able to walk you through how to do that.

Second, the water you want to stop.You can do this by turning off the water source that caused the flooding.

Third, is you will want to protect any furnishings from further damage.  Leaving furniture in water can turn something that could have been repaired into an item that will need to be replaced which will cost more money.Remove them from the wet area as quick as possible.

Those are the things you will want to do immediately prior to calling any water damage restoration service.  But once you have done those things and have called a good company to do the water damage cleanup, here are a few more things you should do while waiting.

You will want to remove as much water as possible by mopping or using a large towel to soak up as much water as possible.  Remember, the longer any wall or furniture or flooring is exposed to water, the greater the damage can be including mold damage.

Next, you have to wipe off all the moisture from any furniture.Once again you are trying to minimize the costs of the damage as much as possible

Also you have to remove any wet area rugs, or whatever else you find on the floor of the wet areas.

Finally, closet door or dresser drawers that you have the ability to open to allow air cirulation you want to do.

Doing these things will allow you to minimize as much damage as possible prior to calling the water damage repair company.   This will also minimize the costs and save you a lot of money in the long run.