The Gestalt Prayer And Marriage And Family Counseling

Many problems that arise in marriage and family counseling could be avoided or solved by using the principles found in the well known Gestalt prayer. Actually, it is not so much a prayer as a statement of principle.

When I was first introduced to this in the early 70's I immediately dismissed it as just another fad from the hippy days. It sounded just too self-centered and smacked of disregard for others. Here is the prayer, as it is called:

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.
(Fritz Perls, 1969)

Turns out that this is merely a statement by the founder of Gestalt therapy, Fritz Perls. Like many things, it has been abused and used in all kinds of irrelevant contexts.

If you think about it, the greatest intimacy is found by letting the other person live independently and freely. When they join together it is of a free will and consciously, thus all the more genuine.

A very good resource to learn about Gestalt therapy can be found here.  This is not the easiest reading, it is academic. However, you can get the gist of the therapy and also you will find a great bibliography. This can be a tremendous help with mental health counseling.

In a nutshell, each person must take personal responsibilty for his own thought, word and deed. There is a rejection of analyzing why a particular thing has happened, more an acceptance that is has. Then you ask how this affects life in the here and now. Sometimes marriage and family counseling tends to be like untangling a ball of yarn: there is not end to the analyzing.

Life in the here and now is essential: how can you progress if you are constantly stuck in the past or the future. It is not a matter of how things should have been or should be, but how they are right now. Couples counseling could benefit greatly by using this fresh approach.

Check out the link and see what you think. It might just save you a lot of agonizing. Many life coaching experts have used these prinicples with great success.

Marriage and family counseling is a difficult task at best, but with the use of Gestalt therapy much good could be done. A great deal of insight can be gained by absorbing the principles.